How to be assertive without being rude


    How to be assertive without being rude

  • 1 Take the decision to stand up for your needs

    People who aren't assertive usually don't stand up for their needs. The first step to being assertive is identifying the important needs then standing up for them.

  • 2 Use 'I' when talking to people

    In order for a person to sound assertive he must start his sentences with 'I'. For example 'I can't concentrate with that loud voice you are making' is more assertive than 'The noise is so high'.

  • 3 Use confident body language

    Some postures can give an impression of confidence and assertiveness. Keeping the back straight, the shoulders stretched, both legs planted on the ground, chin slightly raised and the hands clasped in front of the stomach or behind the back can reflect a lot of confidence.

  • 4 Make your needs clear

    Assertive people make their needs clear and explain what's in their minds perfectly. Example of an assertive demand: 'I need you to slow down, i can't understand you'. An example of a not so assertive request: 'You are speaking too fast'.

  • 5 Use a firm voice

    Assertive people use a firm voice to state their demands. It's very important that the voice doesn't sound aggressive or rude. There is a fine line between a firm voice and a rude one (See how to have a deep voice).

  • 6 Maintain direct eye contact

    A person can't be truly assertive before he looks the ones he is addressing right in the eye. One of the basic elements of assertiveness is learning how to look people in the eye while talking (See why some people avoid eye contact).

  • 7 Don't smile

    A smile can reduce assertiveness and make a person sound less serious in many cases. An assertive demand must be done with a bit of a serious face.

  • 8 Requests must be direct and to the point

    An assertive person won't keep giving hints to let people realize that he has some needs. He will ask for those things directly and in a clear way.

  • 9 Stay Calm

    An assertive person won't shout, raise his voice much or get angry. Assertiveness is a state where a person feels in control and makes assertive demands that protect his rights and prevent him from becoming angry or mad.

  • 10 Learn to say No

    An assertive person says No whenever he finds that a certain demand will affect him in a bad way. Assertive people say 'no' when needed without feeling embarrassed.

  • 11 Allow people to speak

    An assertive person will allow people to speak while maintaining eye contact. After someone's finishes talking an assertive person will usually repeat his demand or rephrase it in a different way.

  • 12 Be persistent

    Assertive demands are sometimes met with objections. An assertive person must be persistent to not give up about his needs even if people were resisting.